The Relationship Check-In Library
Practical tools for having conversations that don't always come easily.
You can share a home, a bed, a calendar, a hundred responsibilities, and somehow still go weeks without really checking in with each other.
But how are you actually doing?
Life gets busy. Routines take over. And sometimes the conversations that matter most are the ones we keep putting off.
This library is here to help you make space for those conversations, whether you're looking to reconnect, work through something that's been bothering you, or simply check in more regularly.
It might be a little awkward, maybe even a little messy at first. That's okay. The point isn't to get it perfect, it's to be willing to have the conversation.
What Would You Like to Talk About?
Choose a conversation to get started.
Feeling a little disconnected?
The Connection Check-In
For when you've been caught up in the day-to-day and haven't made much time for each other beyond the usual logistics of life.
Explore check-in →There's something on my mind
The Hard Conversation
For when something's been bothering one or both of you, but finding the right time or words to talk about it hasn't been easy.
Explore check-in →Who's doing what around here?
The Mental Load Check-In
For talking about responsibilities, expectations, and the invisible work that goes into keeping your shared life running.
Explore check-in →Let's talk about intimacy
The Intimacy Check-In
For exploring affection, desire, physical connection, and how your needs may have changed over time.
Explore check-in →How are we doing?
The Regular Check-In
A little relationship maintenance. A chance to appreciate what's working, talk about what could use some attention, and stay connected as life changes.
Explore check-in →Before you begin
A few things worth agreeing on before you dive in. The goal of these check-ins isn't to figure out who's right, who's wrong, or who's doing a better job in the relationship. It's to understand each other a little better. How you approach the conversation matters just as much as what you talk about.
You're here to understand your partner's experience, not argue against it. You don't have to agree with everything they say, but try to understand where they're coming from before jumping in with your own perspective.
Get curious, not defensive.
1
Try to focus on what you're feeling, experiencing, and needing rather than what your partner is or isn't doing. There's a big difference between "I feel overwhelmed by everything on my plate" and "You never help me with anything."
Speak for yourself.
2
Two people can experience the same situation very differently. One person's feelings don't cancel out the other's. Give each other the opportunity to speak, listen, and feel heard.
Make room for both perspectives.
3
If things start getting heated, it's okay to pause. You don't have to push through a conversation when you're both getting frustrated. Take some time to settle, and agree on when you'll come back to it.
You don't have to solve everything today.
Take a breather if you need one.
4
Some conversations will lead to solutions. Others might simply help you understand something about each other that you didn't before. Both are worthwhile.
5
One last thing: Put your phones away, give yourselves a little uninterrupted time, and remember that you're on the same team.
Keep getting stuck?
Sometimes these conversations don't go quite as planned. If you keep ending up in the same argument, getting frustrated, or feeling like you're talking in circles, I'm here to help.
Leave me a few details and I'll be in touch.
No pressure, no commitment. Just a place to start.