The Regular Check-In
Because even good relationships deserve a little maintenance.
You don't need to wait until something's wrong to check in with each other.
Think of this as an opportunity to step outside the usual day-to-day conversations and see how you're both doing. What's been feeling good, what might need a little attention, and what you could use more (or less) of from each other.
No big agenda. No need to turn everything into a problem that needs solving.
Just a little time to reconnect, appreciate each other, and make sure you're not getting so caught up in doing life together that you forget to check in on the relationship itself.
Before You Begin
The goal isn't to figure out who's right or wrong. It's to understand each other a little better. A few agreements can help make that possible.
01 Get curious, not defensive
Try to understand your partner's experience before jumping in with an explanation or rebuttal. You don't have to agree with everything to be willing to listen.
02 Speak for yourself
Talk about what you're feeling and experiencing rather than making assumptions about your partner's intentions. "I've been feeling..." tends to go further than "You always..."
03 Make room for both perspectives
You can experience the same situation differently. One person's feelings don't cancel out the other's. Make space for both.
04 Take a breather if you need one
If things start getting heated, it's okay to pause. Agree on when you'll return to the conversation rather than walking away from it indefinitely.
05 You don't have to solve everything today
Not every conversation needs a solution. Sometimes feeling heard and understood is enough for now.
One last thing: Put your phones away, give yourselves a little uninterrupted time, and remember that you're on the same team.
These questions are here to get the conversation going, not to give you another list of things to finish.
You don't need to answer every question or work through them in order. Start wherever feels most useful, follow the conversations that come up, and come back to the rest another time.
Take what you need, and leave the rest.
PART ONE
What's Been Good?
Let's start by noticing what's working, because sometimes we forget to say those things out loud.
What's something you've appreciated about me lately that you might not have said out loud?
When have you felt connected to me recently?
What's something about our relationship that's been feeling good lately?
PART TWO
How Are We Doing?
A chance to check in on how things have actually been feeling, both individually and together.
How have you been feeling lately, just in general? Stressed? Happy? Overwhelmed? Pretty good? A little bit of everything?
Is there anything that's been feeling heavy lately, or something you've been keeping to yourself because you didn't want to burden me with it?
How have you been feeling about us lately? Is there anything you wish we had a little more time or space for?
PART THREE
What Do We Need?
Nothing dramatic. Just a little intention about how you want to show up for each other moving forward.
Is there something you could use a little more support with right now?
What's one small thing we could do to feel more connected over the next week or two?
Is there anything you'd like us to make more of a priority together?
CLOSING THE CONVERSATION
Before You Go...
What's one thing you appreciated hearing from your partner today?
Is there anything from this conversation you'd like to carry into the coming week?
You don't need to walk away with everything figured out. Sometimes making the time to listen to each other is enough.